Sundance

Sundance...

Soon it will begin, and although it may be fun for all of the turists coming to town, and all of the movie makers trying to get their name and their work out there will be having fun, I guarantee I will not.

It really all comes down to the fact that turist are a pain in my ass. They think they know the town better than you do, because they're rich, and rich people are smarter. WRONG! I've been living in this town for over half of my life, you do not get any fucking credit for thinking that you know the town better just because you can tell me where Main Street is.

Another thing about turists is their clothing. Yeah, you're cold. We get it. But is the fur coat that goes down to your ankles, and the matching faux feather coat for your toy dog really all that necessary? It looks like a bear gave you a hug and decided to never let go. That that shitty stuff off, and wear a regular jacket like the rest of us, I promise you will still be warm.

The most fun you can really have during Sundance being a resident of Park City is mainly just the fact that we get to go looking for famous people. Anyone with some sort of recognition will do. I once met a comedian who acted in a random scene of a movie and only had one line, but as soon as I post the photo to facebook and caption it "look who I met! The star of that one movie!" Guaranteed I will get 50+ likes and 20+ comments about how jealous people are of me, and how much they loved him in the movie. Pathetic.

I guess a positive thing to come from this is the amount of excuses I can have to be late to class. "Sorry I was driving behind a tourist" will usually do it, but I always take on the challenge of making it as creative as possible. For example: "I was on my way to watch a Sundance movie premiere when a deer  ran across the highway and a turist hit it. Then came a huge traffic because the deer was actually the star of the movie, and now there was the famous star, split open in the middle of the road. All of us there decided it would be great if we had a funeral at that moment. So sorry I was late, but I'm a person with feelings, and I care."

Feel free to use that excuse to your benefit.

In the end I only ask Sundance tourists 3 things:

*Stop causing so much traffic, I have places to go, and you need to get the fuck out of my way.
*Please don't act like you are better than me, we are both people, the fact that you have a toy dog stuffed in your purse and a coat that looks like you couldn't decide what animal to wear today so you wore them all. Nice going Cruela de Vil.
*If there is one place you really have to visit, DON'T let that be my place of work. I will not be picking up your shit, and I am not here to tell you you look good even when you don't. Fuck off.